Written by Shavon Cox
My earliest memory of journaling was back in grade five when I would write about my day-to-day life and its happenings in a diary that had one of those incorporated lock and keys. Writing in my diary made me feel like I had my life together at the age of ten and with that came an unnecessary sense of maturity.
Fast forward 17 years and my earliest memory of journaling had become my last experience with it as well until I started again in late 2018. Toward the end of 2018 I went through a heart break like nothing I had ever felt before. I had lost all sense of control and went through a severe period of grief. It was during this time that I sought out the help of a life coach who helped me to recenter myself and realign my thoughts and actions. Besides our one-on-one session,s he would often check in with me on WhatsApp to see how I was doing and offer his support.
It was during one of our WhatsApp check-ins in early 2019 that he recommended that I try journaling as a means to channel and release my emotions. The technique he gave me to try incorporated asking myself five questions in a specific order and reflecting on them one at a time before moving onto the next question:
- Why am I angry?
- Why am I sad?
- What do I fear/regret?
- What do I love?
- What am I grateful for?
The first three questions aid in bringing up deep emotions (especially when you are being 100% honest with how you are feeling and why) and I’ve even suffered a two day headache due to the release of pent up emotions.
The last two questions help us to remember the sparkle we have in our life that has maybe temporarily been overshadowed by a trauma. To be honest I never understood the significance the order would play until months later when I watched Jay Shetty on The Ellen Show and he told viewers:
“Studies show that when you’re in gratitude, when you’re feeling gratitude, you can’t be in another state. So you can’t be angry or sad or disappointed when you’re being grateful.”
– Jay Shetty
This profound statement clarified why the order of the questions was so significant and the importance of ending your journaling on a positive note.
You may be unsure whether something is worth being grateful for. You may wonder “Does being grateful for this make me shallow? Should I be grateful for less?” Remember that gratitude is relative to your life and your own personal experiences. My suggestion is to think about anything that brings a smile to your face, even if only for a split second, for example “I am grateful that last week Wednesday I revealed 300 miles on the Discovery Vitality game board”. This technique helps me remember that it is not only about being grateful for the bigger and more significant things in your life, but it can also be something as small as having your favourite cup of coffee.
After 6 months of hard work with my life coach I had done enough healing and growing to continue my journey on my own. I had even gone so far as to subconsciously assess when last I was truly grateful and happy and if I realise that it has been a while I ensure that I rectify this as quickly as possible and top up my self-love cup before it gets too empty.
Since healing myself I have used this technique on two other occasions, the most recent being last week Wednesday in order to channel my energy and process my emotions which are mainly as a result of COVID-19 and the subsequent lockdown which is something I think almost everyone can relate to.
I encourage anyone who isn’t sure how to begin journaling to use this method as a starting point or even a building block to further develop their journaling. This simple method can be used on days when you’re feeling really down (that’s mainly when I use it) or as part of a daily routine, it’s so versatile. I hope it helps you channel, reflect and process your thoughts and emotions as much as it has helped me.
Meet Shavon!
Shavon is a 27 year old pilot from South Africa and our guest contributor for today’s blog post. Although she currently lives in Johannesburg, we grew up together in Amanzimtoti and have known each other since we were kids.
- One of the biggest lessons 2020 has taught me so far is to buy things only when I need them and not when I want them.
- My favourite self-love practice is going to a local hospice to find copies of the 100 books I want to read before I die.
- The book that has had the most significant impact on my life is “I’m OK – You’re OK” by Thomas A Harris. This book was recommended to me by my then life coach and was my first introduction to transactional analysis. A must read if you’re looking for a more scientific version of a self help book.
- The number one thing on my bucket list is to travel around Europe by train including spending a week at Euro Disney.
- One of the things I love most about myself is my commitment to myself and honoring myself by doing things I love and saying no to things that I don’t.
- Something I’m still learning is to not compare where I am in life with where other people are.
- When I’m feeling stressed and need to unwind I enjoy reading, exercising or climbing into a hot bath with a relaxing bath bomb.
- My favourite place in the world is wherever my family is.
xx