Some of you may have heard about the term “Shadow Work” before, and for others it might be an entirely new concept. The Shadow Self is a theory that was originally written about by Carl Jung and is used to describe the unconscious parts of ourselves that we may not know we have, yet have a very real impact on our lives.
Imagine yourself standing out in the sunshine; looking over your shoulder you notice your shadow on the ground. Although we may never stop to notice it, our shadows follow us around constantly. Our Shadow Selves contain all the parts of us that we either don’t know are there, or that we don’t want to admit to having. Although the Shadow Self is often used to refer to negative, or “dark” qualities and traits, this isn’t always the case. The Shadow Self is simply the parts of us that we don’t consciously acknowledge for whatever reason, be it shame, an inability to accept them or the fact that we just don’t know they’re there. Your Shadow could contain qualities like anger, jealousy, or feelings of inadequacy. It could also contain qualities like independence, the need for boundaries or a dream for your life you have pushed away.
How can I be substantial if I do not cast a shadow? I must have a dark side also if I am to be whole.
– Carl Jung
The Shadow contains all of our repressed emotions and traumas, our unconscious fears, the desires that we’ve tried to disown, and the characteristics of ours that we’ve either refused to take responsibility for, or haven’t noticed in ourselves yet. Whether we see these parts of us as negative or not depends on our own perspectives and abilities to accept ourselves as we are.
So where does the Shadow come from and why do we need to know about it? The Shadow develops over time; from the time we’re born to where we stand right now it has slowly grown and absorbed more. Our Shadows begin developing in childhood when we start learning about what makes us “good” vs. what makes us “bad”. What is “acceptable” vs. “unacceptable”. We start understanding that certain behaviors and traits are met with punishment, and others are met with praise and popularity. As we go through social conditioning we start curating this image of ourselves; we piece together all the very best parts of us to project out into the world, and on a conscious level we truly believe that this is who we are. Except all of the things we’re ashamed of, scared of, and have been hurt by are still within us and are still affecting our lives – they live with us as our Shadow Selves.
All of these unconscious and repressed emotions, wounds and characteristics influence our conscious lives and often play a huge role in self-sabotaging behavior. They also influence our triggers, how we behave in certain situations, how we interact in our relationships (including the one we have with ourselves), the way we behave and the decisions we make.
Not being aware of what we’re hiding in the Shadow leads us to be unable to fully take responsibility for ourselves. How can we own and manage what we’re not aware of? How can we be whole individuals if we refuse to look at our own Shadows? By staying blind to the emotions, qualities and wounds you carry with you, you are essentially disowning parts of yourself. Instead of facing rejection and judgement from others, you are rejecting and disowning yourself. If you can’t fully accept all the parts of who you are it makes it extremely difficult to accept and love others for who they are. Without doing our own Shadow work we live in a world lacking empathy and compassion for ourselves and others. It makes it easy for us to project and blame everything outside of us for our emotions because we haven’t learnt how to fully take responsibility for ourselves.
We human beings like to protect our own self-image and egos and so we’ll often go to great lengths to hide what we don’t want the world to see. We don’t like being vulnerable, we don’t like risking judgment or rejection. And so it becomes natural for us to hide what we feel ashamed or scared of. It is far easier for us to see the Shadow of someone else than it is to see our own, and this is often the source of most conflicts.
Shadow work is the path of the heart warrior
– Carl Jung
In order to do our own Shadow work we need to start by practicing self-awareness. It’s only through self-reflection and mindfulness that we’re able to start facing what we are carrying in our shadows – what we resist persists, and facing that which we try to avoid is the only way for us to truly know who we are, accept ourselves, and release these things we try keep hidden.
Some of the ways you can start practicing Shadow work are:
- Practice self-awareness. Try to start checking in with yourself a few times a day, like when you have a coffee for example. How are you feeling? What emotions are present? What are you anxious about? What’s happening right now for you? How does it feel in your body? This practice will slowly start getting you more in-tune with how you’re feeling on a regular basis which will make it easier to recognize something is coming up that you need to pay attention to.
- Get curious about the why. When you notice difficult emotions coming up, try understand why you’re been affected in that way? Why are certain things important to you? Why do you avoid or feel uncomfortable in the situations you do? Why do you feel insecure about the things you struggle with? By becoming more curious about why you tick the way you do, you allow yourself to look away from the superficial image you project to the world about who you are, and start learning about the complexities and depth within you. It may not always be easy to do, but once you’ve looked at that which you’re afraid of it becomes a lot less scary.
- Center yourself. This is another practice meant to help you develop a deeper connection with yourself. Try do something each day just for you; something that fills your cup and brings you home to yourself. This could be journaling, meditation, working out, spending time in nature, painting or listening to music. When you’re centered within yourself you’re less distracted by the external world.
- Be more honest with yourself. We all know significantly more than we think we do, especially when it comes to knowing ourselves. When you’re trying to dig deeper into something or figure out your ‘why’, be completely honest with yourself. There’s no shame, and there’s no point lying to yourself. Part of doing Shadow work is uncovering the truth, because it’s usually the truth that we try to repress if we’re not comfortable owning it. So start owning it, even if it takes you a while to accept. To help you with this you can even speak to someone who understands you about the things you’re learning about yourself – being honest and vulnerable is a freeing thing and helps you own who you are without shame.
- Get feedback from your loved ones. Shadow work can be difficult because sometimes we just can’t see it in ourselves. We like to think we’re perfect and the realization that we’re not can send us into a defensive and ego-based state. Asking those that are closest to you (that you have a good relationship with) for honest feedback regarding your not so pretty qualities can be very insightful and help give you direction to explore deeper within yourself. Remember to take this as feedback though, and not the cold hard truth as everyone’s response will be filtered through their own thoughts, emotions and Shadows. Take it and go and explore it alone, find out if it holds any truth for you and if not, let it go.
Although Shadow work can be difficult and is never-ending, the process of doing it will allow you to know yourself like never before and be significantly more in-tune with your inner workings and emotions. Shadow work will:
- Lead to a healthier relationship with yourself.
- Improve your self-acceptance, compassion and ability to empathize and understand others.
- Improve your relationships with others as you become more understanding and less critical.
- Help you feel more whole and balanced.
- Help you manage your emotions better and move through difficult feelings like anxiety and stress faster.
- Improve your self-esteem as you move into a place of greater self-awareness and acceptance of all you are.
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