Throughout my pregnancy I’ve spent a lot of time contemplating what life will be like after our baby is born. It’s a life change that I can imagine is not quite like any other – one day life is how it’s always been, and the next not only do you have a new little member of your family who is completely and utterly dependent on you for their wellbeing, but most aspects of your life have also shifted somewhat overnight. It’s a life change that I’ll admit has made me quite anxious at times as I try and imagine just how it will all work, with questions coming up like “How will I maintain my sense of self? How will my marriage adjust? How will I juggle my career with the kind of mother I hope to be? How do we ensure our lives are still full of adventure?”. And those are just the big questions.
I’ve spent time thinking about this next chapter, and I’ve spent time mentally preparing myself for just how difficult it might feel at times. What I’ve concluded is that this next adjustment is going to be like so many other big life changes that I’ve navigated. Life is a series of small moments coupled with big shifts. The small moments make us feel safe and give us a sense of false control over our lives. They provide us with a daily routine and some predictability – not the most exciting way to describe it but completely understated in its’ importance to our mental wellbeing. The big shifts come along to shake us up, wake us up, and move us forward in life. They help us grow, evolve, and keep us tuned into our lives. There’s often nothing predictable about them and they very seldom feel easy or comfortable navigating. Yet navigate them we do somehow, step by step. I think happiness lies in-between savoring the small moments and appreciating the big shifts, for without the big shifts the small moments would become mundane, and without the small moments the big shifts would leave us exhausted and ungrounded.
Often when I have navigated big life changes I’ve taken the approach of being overly-prepared and organized. I thrive on research, lists, and planning and in that have found a sense of “control” and calm that helps me feel mentally ready for change, whether it actually lands up practically helping me or not. This is also how I seem to have approached my pregnancy and getting ready for baby’s arrival, and at 40 weeks pregnant can say that I feel practically ready for this little one to join our family. But I know that organization can only get you so far when it comes to life changes, because a huge portion of navigating big shifts is not practical, but emotional.
When it comes to this next big shift my biggest goal and focus is not about lists, or routines, or control. It’s about grace. All I hope to achieve over the next few months is to be able to navigate this all with grace. What does that mean?
- It means that instead of things being the way I want or expect them to be, I hope to be able to accept them as they are and find the beauty in what is.
- It means that instead of trying to control, that I release and allow.
- It means that rather than being hard on myself I am instead kind, loving and supportive.
- It means that instead of allowing my emotions to control me, I create space for myself to feel what I need to feel knowing that emotions are not always truth.
- It means that instead of putting pressure on myself to be what I think I should be, I allow myself to show up as I am.
- It means progress over perfection, and forgiveness over judgement.
Grace is allowing life, yourself, and those around you to flow easily and un-restricted. Grace is something that I can find very hard to embrace, because it means the release of control – a tool that I often find myself clinging to in order to soothe my anxiety about change. Where control is restricting, grace is allowing. In allowing life to be what it is it has the space to be better than we could ever hope for it to be, which is something that can be stifled when we choose to control.
So here’s to a season of big shifts, big life lessons, and opening my hands to not only embrace what life is bringing to me in this next chapter, but also opening my hands to release my grasp on that to which I cling.
xx