As human beings we like to feel safe and have a sense of control over our lives. Having a sense of routine and knowing what’s going to come next in our day, our week, or our year helps us mentally and emotionally prepare and acts as a kind of security blanket that keeps us safe and sound within our comfort zones. But life isn’t always predictable and the sense of control we tend to feel about our lives is often merely an illusion.
Most of us go through life relying on external circumstances to make us happy. When our lives look good on the outside and seem to be going according to our own plans we feel happy and confident and secure. But this dependency on external factors leads us to take a reactive position when it comes to living, and when things seem to be “going wrong” (aka not going according to how we think they should be) we fall into a difficult space of fear, anxiety, depression and frustration.
Uncertainty is one of the most natural parts of life – even when we feel our most secure the truth is that you never know what could happen in the next moment. Looking back at how 2020 has panned out I would have never in my wildest dreams guessed the turn it would take. I was so sure that this would be they year I would travel the world and see all the things I’ve dreamed of. I had moved mountains to get this opportunity to work for Emirates and I had just assumed everything would go according to plan. My plan. There’s an old Jewish proverb that says “we plan – God laughs” and this holds so much truth for me. As human beings we love to plan ahead and map out the way we want our lives to unfold. We get so attached to the outcomes of these plans that in our heads the path we’ve mapped out can be the only possible path to get to where we want to go. I’m not the most religious person, having a more spiritual outlook on life, but I sincerely believe that everything happens for a reason. I believe that the same universal power that leads a flower to die and rebloom again in the spring is guiding me as well. And I respect the fact that as much as I try, I can only see and understand a tiny part of this universe, and that there is so much out there that I cannot even see.
Uncertainty is uncomfortable and difficult to manage because it throws us into the unknown. Almost instantaneously we go from walking a predictable path to finding ourselves in the wilderness feeling a little lost and scared. I went from being certain that I would spend 2020 travelling and then would go home early 2021 to start a new chapter of my life. What actually happened was that I moved to Dubai, went into quarantine 2 months later for what would be the next 3 months, watched as the world’s aircrafts got grounded and the aviation industry fell apart, and then had my contract terminated and my Emirates adventure end. For the second time in 6 months every single part of my life had to change once again. It has been uncertainty at its finest!
What I’ve learned about uncertainty during this time is that uncertainty isn’t necessarily things falling apart, but its just an unexpected change of plans that can open you up to so many new possibilities. It’s natural to be upset when we don’t get what we want or when things go “wrong”, but I believe that what’s meant for you will never miss you, and what’s not yours will not stay. This sense of faith has helped me through the past few months because I believe that even though life isn’t going according to my plan, it’s still unfolding perfectly whether I can see it or not. I believe that if something doesn’t work out for you, something better is on its way. And that when life throws you a curve ball it’s only trying to help shift you onto the path you’re truly meant to be on.
When it comes to uncertainty all we can do is release the control and attachments to specific outcomes that we cling on to so dearly, and lean in to the unexpected.
Here are my top tips for dealing with uncertainty and unexpected changes in life:
Take time to grieve: You’re allowed to feel sad, disappointed, heartbroken and anxious about big changes in life. Respect what you’re going through and allow yourself to feel the emotions that come up. It’s only by freely feeling the pain and sadness that you can allow yourself to move into a space of healing, and release the chapter that has just ended.
Reframe your situation: It’s easy to be a victim. It’s easy to feel sorry for ourselves and focus on everything that’s going wrong. But if you can try reframe your current circumstances more positively it will help you move into a more empowered position where you’ll be better able to handle the unexpected with grace and confidence, and start taking a proactive approach instead of a reactive approach. Think about what good could come from this uncertainty. What are the positives? What possibilities does it open up in your life? What are the things that will be removed from your life due to these changes that you’ll be happy to say goodbye to?
Take the pressure off yourself: You don’t have to have it all figured out right away. Try and let go of the need to control every aspect of your life and allow yourself to be in the wilderness for a bit. Take it step by step and allow yourself time to process everything that’s happening in your life so that you can decide on how you want to move forward from here. You won’t be in this space forever so try enjoy the sense of possibility and freedom that this time may bring.
Know that everything is going to be okay: This can be a difficult one, especially when you can’t see the how. But change does not have to be a bad thing, and life has a way of working itself out in time. Focus on keeping your head up and adding as much positivity and happiness to your life as you can. Do things that make you happy. Spend time with people that lift you up. Use your mental energy to focus on good-feeling thoughts and not anxiety-inducing ones. Ultimately happiness does not come from what’s happening on the outside, but from our perspectives and what we choose to focus on.
I’m not entirely sure what the next chapter is for me yet, but I know it’s going to be even more beautiful than I expected.
xx