Life is a wild thing. We get dropped off on planet earth, are raised by other human beings who are also learning as they go along, get thrown countless situations and events over which we have no control, feel millions of emotions that we sometimes don’t know how to deal with, and then by the time we’re active members of society we’re carrying so much baggage, unhealed wounds, insecurities that just won’t leave us alone and destructive coping habits that we rely on to get us through.
I’ve spent a lot of time learning about these things and I’ve been a self-help junkie since I was about 14. My interest in the human mind and spirit was sparked by my own need to figure out how to cope with with my own life and traumas, specifically the death of my father.
Over time I’ve developed a lot of little habits that have helped me so much that I thought I’d share. These little things are so personal and take trial and error to figure out if they are going to serve you in your life, but really the point of them whatever they may be, is to add joy, meaning and positivity to your life. I’d love to know what some of your habits are so leave them in the comments below!
1. Following My Intuition
I believe that all of us come pre-fitted with our own internal GPS, also knows as our intuition. Our intuition’s job is to help us navigate life through “hunches”, or feelings. Although your intuition is constantly speaking to you, it can be difficult to hear if you’re not trying to listen out for it. I first started learning about listening to my intuition from my father, who was very spiritual and intuitive. He would always say that “If something doesn’t feel right, it usually isn’t” and that is a piece of wisdom that has stuck with me throughout my life. By tapping into my gut instincts and bringing awareness to how situations make me feel, I believe that I’m always making the right decision. If something doesn’t feel right to me or makes me feel uncomfortable, I won’t do it. I try move in the direction that feels good to me, trusting that there is a part of me that knows better than the grey matter inside my skull. So far this hasn’t failed me and it’s given me a increased sense of self, and an ability to trust in my own choices.
2. Prioritizing Myself
I realize how self-absorbed that heading may come across, but it really isn’t and making ourselves a priority is not something women should feel the need to apologize for. Prioritizing yourself does not mean that you do not care about others or that you neglect the needs of your loved ones; it means that you are self-aware enough to know what you are needing in order to fill your cup and look after yourself, and that it is as important to you as meeting the needs of your partner, children, siblings, friends etc. Prioritizing yourself doesn’t mean you put the fulfillment of your own needs before the needs of others, but that you make the fulfillment of your own needs of equal importance as the obligations you feel to others. I went through a period of my life where I couldn’t say no and found myself giving so much to others and feeling completely burnt out and unappreciated. When I started reflecting on this and identified what was draining my energy, and what I needed to refill that energy, I was able to finally prioritize myself as equally important to everyone else. This has helped me make sure that I’m refilling my cup enough to be able to not only keep myself happy and energized, but also be able to give to the ones I love in the way I’d like to (aka NOT grumpy, tired Whitney).
3. Learning How To Be Alone
This topic is huge for me, and one that I need to do a separate blog post about because I feel like it’s something so many of us struggle with. Knowing how to be alone means that not only do you know how to enjoy being in your own space, but that you move out of a codependency mindset into independence. Although I’ve always been very good at being alone (I’m slightly more introverted and so replenish my energy by being by myself vs extroverts who replenish their energy by spending time with others), I was not great at being emotionally independent and had many codependent tendencies. Codependency is when you need someone else to help regulate and manage your emotions, and you derive a large portion of your self-worth from others. Basically you land up being quite needy and not only place a lot of expectations on your loved ones, but yourself too. Learning how to be fully alone taught me the true meaning of love, and how to drop the expectations I had of others. I was able to move into a space where I’m now so self-sufficient and in-tune with myself that I don’t need anything from anyone and it’s not easy for me to get personally offended by someone’s actions. Learning how to be alone creates space in your life for free-flowing energy as opposed to control and needs-based relationships.
4. Trusting Myself
Trust is something that many of us struggle with, but have you ever considered how much you trust yourself? This all goes back to the quality of the relationships we have with ourselves and our ability to be there for ourselves in tough times. Self-trust can take conscious effort and a while to build up, but when you move into a space of self-trust you will tap in to a reservoir of inner courage, peace and strength that you’ve maybe always struggled to find. I used to get stuck in patterns of self-doubt and second guessing which were so draining and destructive to my mental health. By slowly trusting myself more, listening to and trusting my intuition, and knowing that no matter what happens I’ll be okay, I finally stepped out from the shadows and was able to make courageous decisions. It’s easier to take chances, make changes, speak your truth and face uncertainty when you have an innate knowing that you are doing the right thing for yourself, and that no matter what might happen you will figure it out.
5. Dropping Judgement Of Myself
So many of us develop the destructive habit of judging ourselves – and why wouldn’t we when we love judging each other? This is something I used to be really bad at and still struggle with at times. It seems as if we have this constant narrative in our heads saying “You’re not good enough. You need to loose weight. You need to be more productive. Snap out of it and be happy. How can you feel the way you do, you have so much to be grateful for?” and on and on it goes. I eventually got so sick of being my own worst enemy and chose to start practicing being on my own side. I decided that instead of judging myself and putting myself under so much pressure to be exactly what I wasn’t in that moment, that I’d rather try being compassionate towards myself, encouraging myself, accepting how I was feeling and where I was in that moment. Dropping the self-judgement has made a significant difference to my relationship with myself, helped ease my anxiety and also made me more compassionate and understanding of others.
6. Trusting The Universe
This one is all about faith. No matter what your chosen religious or spiritual beliefs are, the ability to have faith in whatever you hold close to your heart is invaluable. Although I’m not particularly religious, I do believe in the power of the Universe. Whenever I find myself in difficult times in life, or when I feel like I just don’t know the best way forward, I find so much comfort in believing that the Universe has my back. Whether it’s “true” or not, I have always believed that everything happens for a reason and I actively choose to remember that when I feel like I’m losing the illusion of control over my life. I choose to believe that everything is working out for the best. I choose to believe that the situation is either redirecting me to a better path or that there is something worth learning here that I need to find. I choose to believe that the Universe is guiding me and looking after me, and even though it doesn’t change anything externally, that sense of peace this belief gives me allows me to tap into a reserve of strength and courage that never fails to get me through.
What practices have made a difference in your life? I’d love to know!
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